Michelle Yozzo Drake – Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking

Fear of public speaking ranks higher than fear of DEATH! Michelle Yozzo Drake reveals her secrets for overcoming the fear of public speaking to deliver powerful presentations.

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How do I conquer my fear of flying?

I have a flight tomorrow morning to Oklahoma, but I also have serious aerophobia (I’m terrfied of flying in airplanes). Even the slightest bump from turblence nearly gives me a panic attack. I am always afraid that the plane is going to crash, even if it’s a short flight (1 hour) such as this one. I would like to be able to tolerate, better yet enjoy, flights. Are there any suggestions to help me get over my intense fear of flying?

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Why do you think people fear public speaking?

I get so nervous before a class presentation, or any time I’m the center of attention. I know I’m not alone in this as research has showed many people hate public speaking. Why do you think we fear it so much?

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How do I overcome this fear of drowning?

I’m so afraid of drowning. I always get freaked out when I go into deep water or whenever I have to swim. I’ve taken so many swimming lessons before but they’ve never really helped. I can somewhat swim but still I have this terrible fear. I think it might be related to events that happened to me during my childhood. I’m currently doing this HORRIBLE swimming unit in gym and now I dread going to school everyday! I’ll always stop in the middle of the pool because I get too freaked out to keep going, and then end up half-drowning (so I think). There is no way my gym teacher would ever understand and I would never have the time/money to see a professional. Please, any help out there??

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How to Overcome Fear of Flying

Have you ever wanted to take that dream trip to a tropical island in the Caribbean to soak up the sun and atmosphere, but had that dream taken away from you because of your fear of flying? It doesn’t have to be this way! You need to identify exactly why it is you harbour these, and other, fears, and discover ways to overcome fear of flying and other limitations.

What is fear of flying?

An unwillingness to even think about getting onboard a plane is a sure fire sign of fear of flying, but these are some other common symptoms:

- Worrying, and becoming overstressed about a flight for days, weeks, even months in advance

- Having feelings of anxiety before boarding the plane

- Feeling you need a strong drink or sedatives to calm down before a flight

- Feeling uncomfortable when the door closes, when the plane takes off, and when you hear certain noises

- Feeling elated and overcome with relief when you finally get off the plane

Why do you fear flying?

In order to overcome fear of flying we need to understand why the fear exists. There are two types of things in our lives; things we can control, and things we cannot control. Things we can control include our thoughts, our actions, and our reactions to certain situations. However, we cannot control things such as the behaviour of others (legally anyway), the thoughts of others, and the weather, among other things.

Fears emanate from our irrational assumptions that the things we cannot control will turn out to be bad experiences. For example, with flying we have absolutely no control; everything is in the hands of the captain. And even if we wanted to, we can’t just stop the plane and get off. Where do these assumptions come from though? We certainly aren’t born with these fears; they are learned through our experiences and through the experiences of others. Try to think of a time that triggered your fear of flying, it could be a personal experience of a turbulent flight you had, the fearful stories of others, or the frightening images seen on television. It’s likely that your imagination takes these experiences and heightens them into a worse case scenario that accentuates your fear. You need to use your imagination to overcome fear of flying, rather than allow it to feed the fear.

Seldom do people realise that flying is significantly safer than travelling in a car or a train. Think about that for a second; it is more dangerous to hop into a car and drive down a freeway than it is to fly, yet people do it every single day without even thinking twice. When you hop into a car or a train what are you thinking? Really, the next time you get into a car or train, take note of what goes through your mind. Most likely you’re not even thinking about whether or not it’s safe to do so, you just do it. Yet when a plane is involved we allow our imagination to overwhelm us due to the uncertainty, because after all how can an object that big possibly fly?

Overcome fear of flying

There are a number of ways to feel more comfortable about flying, and to use your imagination in your favour.

- Prior to the flight have a full, nutritious meal as it will help you relax during the flight.

- Ensure you pack books to read, or music to listen to, or anything else that will distract you, while you are waiting for the flight, and during the actual flight

- Arrive at the airport with plenty of time to spare so you can check-in and get your luggage through without too much hassle

- Avoid sugary foods, or caffeine prior to the flight as this may increase stress levels

Other than these practical tips, a very effective way to overcome fear of flying is to visualise the flight. Before your flight try to visualise every aspect of the journey; from the time you arrive at the airport imagine everything going smoothly during the check-in, see yourself walking calmly, even laughing, as you go through the gates and onto the plane. Imagine yourself sitting in your seat, being absorbed in your book, then seeing the magnificent view out the window. Visualise the smooth landing, and how thankful you are to the crew for such an enjoyable flight. Now that wasn’t so bad was it?

Visualisation is a powerful technique not just to help overcome fear of flying, but also to overcome any other fear you have.

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No More Fear: Eliminate your Public Speaking Fear Naturally

Tomorrow is the day. You can’t sleep. Your thoughts are racing. Your body begins to shake and tremble.

The morning comes greeted by great fear and nausea. You feel paralyzed and have thoughts of escaping either back to bed or to a deserted island. Or maybe you could disappear altogether. What does tomorrow bring? War. Surgery. Court. None of these. Tomorrow brings the expectation that you speak in front of a group large or small. If you have lived this terrifying experience over and over again you are in the majority of people in the America. Public Speaking is the number one fear in America even before death. Most of us would rather be in the casket at a funeral than speaking at it.

So why is that? I suggest to you that Public Speaking is not naturally stressful. Stress and fear around public speaking is developed through a few different possibilities. The most common one is a traumatic event while either speaking or performing in front of others. This could be as simple as a show and tell experience in kindergarten where someone may have criticized you or laughed at a mistake you made. It could be a bigger event such as someone calling you names or mocking you while speaking or performing in front of others. There are thousands of possible situations that could create a fear of speaking in public. Each one is a personal experience that creates specific beliefs that then trigger a string of negative thinking that leads to the feeling of fear. The fear reinforces it’s self each time it is experienced. You may, as you mature be able to accept on a rational level that the fear is irrational. You can see that it really makes no sense in real life. But knowing the fear is not rational does not make the fear go away. You still experience the negative thinking and fear at the drop of a hat if you are expected to speak in public. You may tell yourself in your mind or out loud that you are fine. That speaking is not scary that you can do this calmly and easily. But when it comes to it you start to shake, your mind blanks out, your knees get weak, your thoughts race and you are off into the same pattern. Your experience then just reinforces your beliefs, which lead to the negative thinking which creates your fear and all the symptoms that come along with it. Again.

Lets examine for a minute how our feelings of fear are created. Most people believe that we are subject to our feelings. That we have no real control or choice about what we feel. Feelings are powerful things. They lead to love, marriage, divorce, hate, anger, charity, our choice in jobs, having children and more. Most everything we do is based on our feelings about it. Even when we are thinking about things logically we are still seeing the logic through our own set of feelings. Lets look at an example.

Lets take a woman who loves to go camping and fishing with her husband and kids. One camping trip in the summer they have an unusual experience. A normal activity becomes life threatening. On this trip a friend almost drowns, their boat comes unanchored 2 times on a very large river and has to be retrieved, they are forced to navigate this same large river in the pitch dark in order to try and return home. On the way home the wife witnesses her husband fall asleep behind the wheel cross the center line and almost flip their boat and truck, thankfully it was 2am and nobody was on the road. 6 months later this same women develops a crippling fear of driving after dark or riding in the car with her husband. She also over the years develops a signfigent fear of camping. Her life becomes full of fear. This is an example of how something traumatic can cause crippling fear in someone’s life. So how does this apply to the fear of public speaking you ask. Well somewhere along the line you likely developed a belief that is now creating your emotions of fear. This is your perception. As I like to say the glasses you look through in life. We all see things differently, like public speaking, depending on the glasses we are looking through. There are many beliefs that are creating your own personal pair of glasses. The feeling of fear is usually connected to a situation that felt like it threatened your survival either physically or emotionally. Fear is a natural response to something that could damage you in some way. However when a situation has no real threat in it and the feeling of fear is keeping us from it then it is actually harming us instead of helping us as it is created to do. It is a self-enforcing cycle. It is believed in many schools of thought that we actually hold the fear in our neuropath ways in our brain. And that each time we have a thought, speak a word or experience a feeling we are strengthen that neuropath way. So in order to break out of the damaging cycle of fear we need to interrupt the pattern and release the original belief that created the fear.

 
Once the belief is released then the response of fear is no longer needed. This all needs to be done on a sub-conscious and energetic level of the mind and body. Some beliefs I have found common in people experiencing public speaking fear are:

It is not okay to make mistakes
Everyone is judging me
I am not good at speaking
Others will make fun of me
I will fail
I don’t have anything important to say
I need to be perfect
I inherited this fear

Each belief is so personal depending on how and when the belief and fear started. It is important to discover your specific beliefs that created your fear. Sometimes it can be difficult to uncover our beliefs because we don’t believe that on a conscious level. But remember it is the sub-conscious in the neuropath ways of the brain that we want to address the beliefs. You may not even be aware on the conscious level that you have some of these beliefs. Once you discover your specific beliefs you can then work to eliminate those beliefs. The techniques that I have found most helpful for releasing and replacing negative beliefs are Hypnosis, Rapid Eye Technology and Emotional Freedom Technique. In all of these techniques we are working on both the subconscious level and the energetic level of the mind and body.

Hypnosis is used to discover the original event that created the belief and fear the first time. Our subconscious mind remembers all that happens to usein great detail. By contacting the subconscious we are able to ask directly for what we need to know about the fear. Hypnosis is also used to help teach the mind to have a positive experience and to use advanced relaxation techniques.

Rapid Eye Technology is used to facilitate the release of the negative beliefs and energy that is being held in the neuropath ways. We use eye movements and energy work to open up the neuropath ways in the brain to allow the negative beliefs to be released. Clients frequently report that they actually feel the energy moving and feel a great emotional release while participating in Rapid Eye.

Emotional Freedom Technique is used to balance the bodies energy system in relation to a specific thought or belief. It is believed that the emotion we feel comes from a imbalance in our bodies meridian system. The meridian system is the same energy system that acupuncture is based on. The meridians can become either over charged, under charged or blocked. When our energy system is unbalanced then we experience the feelings that come with stress and fear. By lightly tapping on specific energy points while using specific wording we are able to retrain the bodies meridians to stay balanced and in doing so we help to eliminate the negative emotions and feelings that come when the system is unbalanced.

All 3 techniques are natural and safe to use. Each technique can be learned and used at home to facilitate release and self-empowerment. Self-empowerment is the goal of all my work. I desire my work to allow my clients to feel powerful and in charge of their own work. I am just a support person lightly guiding them when needed.

Public Speaking can become a enjoyable experience for those who are ready to let go of the negative beliefs and feelings that are creating it. There is no sweeter experience then freedom.

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Does the fear of embarrassment stop you from trying new things?

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Sports Psychology and Fear of Failure in Athletes

One of my mental coaching students, Joe (not his real name) had a unique gift (or so he thought). Since he was overly concerned with what other people thought (coach, teammates, parents, spectators, etc.) about his performance, he often engaged in a process I call mind reading when performing.

While Joe was mind reading, he made assumptions about what others were thinking about him. He literally thought that he could tell what others were thinking about him. Joe’s hidden agenda was to avoid embarrassment, to not make mistakes, and have others think he was a good athlete.

This preoccupation with mind reading what others may be thinking about him caused him to play cautiously and avoid mistakes. He was plagued with thoughts such as, “The coach will yank me from the team if I miss an open shot!” or “My team will be disappointed in my performance.”

Joe’s performance suffered because he did not allow himself to perform freely without the fear of failure, fear of disappointing others, or fear of making mistakes.

Joe is not alone. In fact, many athletes hinder their potential by focusing too much on avoiding mistakes and not embarrassing themselves. They think it is better to play it safe than risk embarrassment or disappointment.

While no one wants to feel embarrassed or get benched by the coach, avoiding mistakes and playing safe are huge distractions to athletic performance, at the very least. This type of thinking actually makes athletes perform worse, and then realize what they feared might happen.

Ultimately, the fear of failure can cause athletes to play tentatively or defensively and actually hinder their ability to succeed. This state of mind certainly makes playing sports half as much fun for many athletes and causes some to drop out of sports.

Caring too much about what others think comes from the phenomenon called social approval. Social approval is defined as the need to be confirmed and validated by other people. In today’s society, many athletes learn *mind reading* when peer approval and gaining acceptance are primary motivators, especially for young athletes.

Let’s face it, we want the respect from our peers. And, whether you’ve been an athlete for 5 years or 35 years, the fear of letting others down can lead to tentative performances! That’s why helping athletes learn how to play without the fear of failure is so important.

How can an athlete be taught to focus on what’s important, rather than mind reading or focusing too much on the fear of failure? I start by asking my students an important question, “Do you compete for yourself *or* do you compete to gain respect or approval of people around you?”

This is a tough question for some athletes to answer. Many find it difficult to admit that they compete because they yearn for the acceptance of their team, parents, coach or spectators.

However, the bottom line is that if you want to harness a zone focus and perform at your best, you cannot care about what others think about you and/or your performance. You must learn to overcome mind reading and fear of failure.

I help my students achieve this in many ways. One way is with my teleseminars. For example, one class I teach is, “Everyone is Watching Me! How to Stop Worrying about What Others Think.” I cover the techniques needed to stop worrying about what others think to create a stronger mindset.

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Values & Fear of Failure

 Values

We all have a hierarchy of values. The goals that you set yourself are supported by your value system. You see, do and associate with things that support your values. In the hierarchy of your values, you have prioritized your values. If money or wealth in your hierarchy of values is rated number seven while entertainment or love of children are top on your hierarchy of values, without fail, you will spend money according to your value system. You will invest in entertainment and ensure that your friends know that you are a good entertainer. You will always seek out entertainment. Similarly, if your top value is the love of children, children will become your wealth. You will have a career working with children or you may be blessed with plenty of children of your own. Fortunately you can change your value system. You see values are like habits they can be changed. However, you may have to learn how to do things differently and in new ways, and value new ways of looking at the world. In order to decide what values you want to prioritize, you must first understand what is important to you, what you believe will bring you a better life and what you consider to be right and will make you happy. The choice is yours, you can choose new options, new directions and new habits.

Fear and doubts will always arise because as you go through the various stages in your success journey, you meet new things that you have never confronted before. I am not aware of any cure for getting rid of fear and self-doubt forever and never having to face it again. Rather, I know that you can deal with fear and self-doubt whenever it arises. The truth therefore is that fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow. You need to understand that you will always experience fear whenever you are on unfamiliar territory. To succeed you must learn to take calculated risks and take that leap of faith trusting that what you want to accomplish will materialize. The only way to become the best in your field and to be successful is to harness the fear of failure and get out and do it. Build yourself up, and develop more trust in your ability by handling whatever comes your way, read relevant books in your field, attend seminars, listen to audio CDs of people who are successful in their fields and identify the principles they have applied to make them successful. Do not let fear hold you back from personal growth 

fear nothing and no one and take responsibility for your life. Fear and inertia are two of the most devastating factors that will keep you poor for the rest of your life.

Harnessing The Fear of Failure

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Here’s the Bright Side: Of Failure, Fear, Cancer, Divorce, and Other Bum Raps

Product Description
Do clouds truly have silver linings? Betty Rollin answers with a resounding yes in this wise, moving, and funny book about the surprising upsides to life’s most challenging, painful, and seemingly insurmountable low blows. Rollin has been there. After being diagnosed with breast cancer more than thirty years ago–and again nine years later–she managed to find an astonishingly bright side to the darkness. She shares her often zany and unpredictable personal expe… More >>

Here’s the Bright Side: Of Failure, Fear, Cancer, Divorce, and Other Bum Raps

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